What does my picture say to you?

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Mojo – Self Image

Mojo: a magic spell, hex, or charm; broadly: magical power.

  • Works her mojo on the tennis court
  • The team has lost its mojo.

I’ve experienced a lot of times in my life where I couldn’t do what I wanted, go where I wanted, or dressed the way I wanted. i was the one holding myself back. One time in my late 30’s I had on brand new big gold hoop earrings. I liked the way they looked.

When I got to my destination I kept looking in the rear view mirror. I got so uptight that I took them off before I walked in. I’ve been so insecure in my lifetime. It creeps on me even now. Which is beyond disappointing.

I went through a stage where I thought if I wore big shirts you wouldn’t notice my weight gain at the time. I had a lot of big shirts. I realize now that no matter what size shirt you have on, the size you are pretty much shows through.

I hate that when my girls were high school age I didn’t understand the best way to build their own self esteem. I can blame it on my mother, I was the only girl, she went through quite the looker stage most of my life, but that isn’t a good enough reason to be so ignorant about building up my girl’s self esteem. Geez I’m glad I believe in forgiveness. Otherwise, living with myself would be difficult.

Why do I beat myself up over something that happened a long time ago, and the outcome has all turned out great? Wouldn’t I do better if I just quietly twilled my rosary beads?

The last few years I’ve started being more creative. It feels good to me, I like what I make and I’m blessed with a husband that encourages me. The last few months my mom has lived with us.

Everything I work on she questions. There’s zero in her entire being that can understand anything but black and white. In the process of being questioned about what I’m considering to be creative, I realize that I’ve lost my desire to create. I’ve lost my mojo.

I hope I am able to find it within myself to continue to explore my creative side, enjoy my own artwork and get my mojo back.

Educate rather than vegetate

Safety officer: This position has not been without challenges.  Since the safety ideas are coming from me, they are not real appreciated.  I still have not been able to get my mom to notify me when she’s going to shower.

I’m making commitment to take a 6 week course offered by the Alzeheimers’s association. Tomorrow is my first 2 1/2 hour class. I’ve already learned not to tell the person (my mom) you’re caring for that you’re going to the classes. They would think it unnecessary, and in my case my mom would get mad. My only slip up was when I forgot I left my name tag on when I got home.

My husband said to me the other day seeing met overwhelmed that I liked being retired. Retirement is over, I now have a full-time unexpected career. More specifically this career refers to having someone all day and night involved with your every move and having an opinion on such.

We will take each job title and description one at a time.

  • Activity director: My mom and stepdad ate most their meals out and found a reason to go shopping all the time.  Because they had 3 refrigerators and big shelves in the garage it was easy for them to stock up.   My mom still needs to get out of the house daily, if possible.  Therein lies my activity director job.  I don’t have any subs right now for this position, but I’m open to resumes.
  • Safety officer: This position has not been without challenges.  Since the safety ideas are coming from me, they are not real appreciated.  I still have not been able to get my mom to notify me when she’s going to shower.  The first month she was here, she fell very badly getting out of the shower.  I cannot, at this time, convince my mom that if she had a life alert, one so if she’s home alone, and two because of the barrage of fans and sound machines I have beyond my closed bedroom door, I would not hear her if she needed me.  I have other safety responsibilities, though these top two worry me the most.
  • Chief Financial Officer: I moved into this position about 5 years ago, and I’m still wearing my CFO hat.  Now more than ever do I see the need to watch out for fraudulent activity on her ATM account and also save money for when it will be needed in the future.
  • Home Companion:  This position is very popular.  I have a husband who likes me to be around.  He really enjoys my company, and though surprising to me as to why most of the time, between my husband, my mom, and my attached fabulous dog I’m running amuck on the companionship part of my job.
  • Administrator:  Most of this work was done prior to my dad passing away.  It was rough.  For years I tried to get them to update their trust and will.  I accomplished most of it the last week my stepdad was alive.  I am the one that takes care of everything.  I do have a gift in administration and I’m thankful for that.  This job title is not a stretch for me.
  • Nurse:  I’ve made it clear my entire life that I don’t do well with taking care of anyone that is hurt, had their wisdom teeth out, been in an accident, needs a Bandaid, or is bleeding.  That’s where my mom and stepdad really stepped in.  They were so great at taking care of my girls during those times.  So it’s only fair that it’s my turn now with my mom.  Fair is fair, but the best I’ve got at this time is making sure all medications are up to date, in their daily slots, and doctor appointments.
  • Lawyer:  This title is coming in real strong because my parent’s previous landlord still owes them their deposit of $2550.  I’m not happy about this and I’m not happy with the landlord.  We are going to small claims court.

Tuesday is coming up and I need to catch up on my reading assignment.  I’m looking forward to the six-week course.  That is totally sincere.  I need all the education I can get.

Parallel Communication

My husband has managed to make the most of our new living situation with my mommy makes 3.

What I find most annoying is when my husband, my mom, and I sit outside together because of being outside, it makes it harder for both of them to hear each other.

I’m writing this with full knowledge that I too might become hard of hearing.  A good portion out of choice.  Nonetheless, I’ve set the stage. My husband sitting in a chair, relatively close to my mom’s chair, and I’m sitting the farthest away from both. Not quite far enough for my liking,  but at this moment it is what it is.

Tim brings up something about the weather, my mom comments back, Tim switches subjects, my mom continues to answer him as if we’re all still discussing weather. Both oblivious to each other’s subject matters. Similar to when two toddlers have a conversation, both in their own worlds, but communicating with each other.

Nice to witness this perfect harmony on two different plains.

One more night with the frogs

When I verbalize every comment my mom says that upsets me, it doesn’t help the person I’m verbalizing it too, which is almost guaranteed to be one of my daughters or husband.

I don’t help them and I certainly don’t help myself.A mantra is only as good as it keeps you healthy and happy. And when I repeat things that upset me my mantra becomes shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.

I decided to come up with a SafeWord to share with my daughters or husband if I am upset and want to share the details as to why concerning my present living situation.

Frog One: The other night my daughter walked into her garage and there was a lost, lonely, not attractive, out of place, frog in there. There is a big pond down the block and across the street where perhaps it had lived but how the frog crossed the street walked into the housing development and found its way into her garage is a mystery. Which brings up other frogs that showed up.

Frog Two: Where did we get the saying, “one more night with the frogs?”

In the Old Testament Exodus 8:

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go to Pharaoh and say to him, ‘This is what the Lord says: Let my people go, so that they may worship me. If you refuse to let them go, I will send a plague of frogs on your whole country.

The frogs were a little much for Pharaoh,so and he told Moses he’d let his people go if he removed the frogs from the land, except for the Nile River. Moses asked Pharaoh when he wanted the plague to be removed and to that Pharaoh replied in the morning. Giving us the saying: one more night with the frogs.

Hence two amazing reasons to say “frog, frogs, frog, frog instead of repeating incidents that only bum me and the recipient out. 🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸 & 🐸

Love Lois and the frog